I’ve only been married 3 short years, and I’ve been a mother for even less, but yesterday I realised on reflection that in that short time I’ve had a range of different experiences as a mother. I’ve had both an emergency Cesarean and a normal birth, single pregnancies and twin pregnancy, experienced miscarriage, had a baby born with a disability, been both a stay at home mum and a working mum, had a healthy baby and a very sick baby, lived in NICU, have both exclusively breastfed and then exclusively pumped, I’m raising a boy and raising a girl. I’ve...Read more
I see another mother with a few kids, and I notice a great big hole in my own heart. Where I used to feel a connection to this mother I now feel nothing... ...I yearn for the old difficulties of a ‘normal’ mum. I realise I’m not part of that club anymore and it hurts, I suddenly feel totally isolated.
There is no pain quite like the pain a mother experiences when her child is suffering and there is nothing she can do about it. It is a great ache and the heaviest cross.
“I don’t know how you do it” a friend comments as we pack up and get in the car. I laugh the comment off “oh you get used to it” but on my way home after a particularly painful event, I do think to myself, is this crazy? Should I be doing this?
My dearest friend in the whole world lost her precious daughter 3 days ago. She was 37 weeks pregnant. The grief that overwhelms you at the loss of a child is something everyone attempts to imagine; but no one can fathom.
When we got married, we planned a busy and productive life. Whether it be becoming savvy, successful investors, living abroad with stacks of kids or each pursuing successful, satisfying careers we knew we wanted a lot to flourish from our marriage. We were confident and proud, we imagined and planned a lot of things for our first 10 years. But as they say, “if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”