After a lot of nervousness, I finally talk about the last 3 months including coming to terms with death, misscarriage, disability and the reality of having trust in hard times.
I’ve only been married 3 short years, and I’ve been a mother for even less, but yesterday I realised on reflection that in that short time I’ve had a range of different experiences as a mother. I’ve had both an emergency Cesarean and a normal birth, single pregnancies and twin pregnancy, experienced miscarriage, had a baby born with a disability, been both a stay at home mum and a working mum, had a healthy baby and a very sick baby, lived in NICU, have both exclusively breastfed and then exclusively pumped, I’m raising a boy and raising a girl. I’ve...Read more
Today is my daughter Cecilia’s 2nd birthday. It also happens to be World Down Syndrome day! I have mentioned this before how coincidental (or not) it is that she was born on this day & her brother soon after was born with Down Syndrome. I occasionally feel a little guilty that I write more about my son than I do about my daughter…and now, poor thing, she can’t even have this one day on her own birthday to herself! But the reality is she doesn’t need me to. She doesn’t need an advocate – she would be wanted and accepted in...Read more
I see another mother with a few kids, and I notice a great big hole in my own heart. Where I used to feel a connection to this mother I now feel nothing... ...I yearn for the old difficulties of a ‘normal’ mum. I realise I’m not part of that club anymore and it hurts, I suddenly feel totally isolated.
The word halcyon means “a period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful.” Well looking back on my life as it was only five short years ago, it certainly seems like those were my halcyon days....
There is no pain quite like the pain a mother experiences when her child is suffering and there is nothing she can do about it. It is a great ache and the heaviest cross.
“I don’t know how you do it” a friend comments as we pack up and get in the car. I laugh the comment off “oh you get used to it” but on my way home after a particularly painful event, I do think to myself, is this crazy? Should I be doing this?
The first half hour I spent with my son was an emotional rollercoaster like no other I’ve ever experienced. Emotions run high following any momentous occasion, particularly the birth of a child. However, when Raphael was born, things really went into overdrive. The first thing I noticed after he was born was that he looked a little bit like a child with Down Syndrome.
My dearest friend in the whole world lost her precious daughter 3 days ago. She was 37 weeks pregnant. The grief that overwhelms you at the loss of a child is something everyone attempts to imagine; but no one can fathom.
When we got married, we planned a busy and productive life. Whether it be becoming savvy, successful investors, living abroad with stacks of kids or each pursuing successful, satisfying careers we knew we wanted a lot to flourish from our marriage. We were confident and proud, we imagined and planned a lot of things for our first 10 years. But as they say, “if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”